We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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