What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
