Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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