OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
