I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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