worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
