You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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