worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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