you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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