I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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