I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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