The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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