8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
