you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
