It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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