i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
