She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
