Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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