Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
