yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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