now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
