You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
