I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
