Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
how drunk are you?
Several
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
