We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
