I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
where are my eyebrows?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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