Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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