Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
