She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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