Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
