Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
