Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
