Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I checked into jail on foursquare
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
