i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
