dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
