My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
