i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
