he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
