I think I died a long time ago.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
