i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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