just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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