she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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