hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
pray to the hookup gods
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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