If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
