Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Randomize
