and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
