Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
i've created a new STD.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
