I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
