Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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