I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
